My mind has created a deep, deep
abysmal chasm where all of
my thoughts have been absorbed
like a sponge
nothing is my own
without being painted black,
manipulated into the darkest evil

I cannot see
Only insanity
Blinded by the white lights
Leaning onto the white padded walls
for balance and
Surrounded by white gowns-
the only innocence and purity
That I will ever obtain—
corrupted by my psychosis
and this is where I'm headed...

Zero hundred hours—
In front of the sanctuary of this old cathedral
I sit here alone
On this cold stone bench
with my immense tears
dripping from my chin
Shame covering my eyes
The street lights dully shining upon me
I begin to pray—

To the dark black endlessly
Starless and moonless sky
“What the hell have I done?”

“How the hell did I get here?”
My thoughts wonder
and my feet wander
around in circles
circles that lead me
back to madness
madness wrapped in a package so sweet –
you

But each time I think of you
(all I can think of is you)
my mind dies and reality slips
I want to feel my hands
around your throat
choking the betrayal out of you

It’s you that drives me to this
you are the cause of my madness
I got lost in you
and you threw me away
discarded like the trash I am

I shake the thoughts from my head
and head back to reality
back to the cold stone bench
back to the rain drops
hiding my tear drops
splattering on my hands –
my blood-stained hands

And then I stand
taking my final steps
to the steps of the cathedral
and withdraw the steel poison
I slipped between your ribs.

I hear sirens wailing in the distance,
someone must have found you
laying there bleeding out
my soul entangled with yours
slowly washing down the storm drain

So on these steps where god and God rest,
I slide the steel release deep in my chest
and scream your name for all to hear
as my heart is pierced –
it stopped beating hours ago.

My mind drifts silently
Dissolving in the thin misty air
I reminisce—
Before destruction murdered something
So precious
I cherished you
Until betrayal and jealousy
Ripped my heart to shreds
Bleeding hope upon the filthy asphalt

And now it surrounds me
Caked and dried up
Hoping for the quickest death—
I take my last breath