Soul searching [cliche]

Life has been chaos for the past little while. The newest addition to my family, Claire Gimon Speakes, was born December 30, 2013 and is not as much of a handful as my last little one (my four year old - as of March 3). This is a blessing, but the lack of sleep, the lack of intimacy, the draining effect of a baby are not blessings. I would never trade any of my 3 children for anything, but sometimes a break is desired more than a sip of water after hiking through the desert sands for two days. So, I have a four year old, a three month old (both girls) and an eight year old boy who I only see every other weekend (His mother and I were married for a short period of time).

This past week was my eight year old's spring break, he spent it with me. We had a blast. We went to the zoo, the museum and another thing or two. He had the time of his life, or so he says. He was scared to come over at first (we had not spent more than two nights together ever), but after a quick talk before he went to bed the first night he was more than peachy, he was applely.

So I had a good week with my son, but an even more hectic one since we added another kid and another mouth to feed to our already stretched budget.

As far as the stretched budget goes, my wife just got a new job so that should correct itself soon enough. For those that do not know, I do not work due to psychological and physical problems (I am schizophrenic and I have a pretty damn bad back).

Due to my altered mental state I go through periods of creativity and periods of languish. Sometimes they last a few days and sometimes they last years, I never know when I will flip. The more severe of my symptoms are controlled by medication, but that also alters the creative portion of the brain which has left me in a dry spell for a while. I am praying to gods I don't believe in that the dry spell ends soon.

In regards to soul searching, I have been looking for something concrete to believe in. Nothing that is established (that I can find) meshes with my beliefs. I am an "energist". I believe that everything is made up of energy and it all forms for a coalescence of energy in the cosmos. I also believe that you can manipulate the energy to do what you will it to. Nothing completely fits the bill. I was raised Catholic and continued on to secular chistian beliefs, but none of that gelled with me for various reasons.

Anyway, enough. 

Hope those that read this are well
and those who don't burn in a figurative hell.

I love you all

William